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What "They" Think
Our focus on what other people are saying and thinking can take away from our own ability to cope with what is happening in the moment. We then rob ourselves of the physical and emotional energy we need to move on from the setback. We may be so focused on people outside our inner circle that we pay too little attention to the help being offered by those who are closest to us. The tape that plays in our head, our self-talk, can drown out the little voice in the background that may be saying, "Take care of yourself right now; be kind to yourself."
In other words, we have to decide who really matters.
When facing an upheaval in any area of your life, a good way to move above, beyond, and through it is by drawing a "line in the sand." The people you know and care about are on one side; they are the ones whose opinions really matter to you. It is their support that you rely on to endure the difficulties and begin a comeback. On the other side of the line are those whom you do not know or who don't know the real you, and whose opinions, therefore, do not matter. Trying to influence them or manage their perceptions is futile.
Staying Real and Relevant
As you face upheavals and setbacks in the workplace or outside of work, consider these tips:
1. Don't focus on what "they" think. Spending your time worrying about people you don't know wastes your energy. The only people who matter are those with whom you have a connection or relationship.
2. Surround yourself with allies. Friends, family members, and other positive supporters are crucial when you face an upset. Allow them to help you with encouragement, suggestions or other assistance.
3. Stay positive. You will get through this difficulty. Reach out to others who may have had similar experiences for advice on how they made it through the tough times. Listen to the little voice in your head that is nurturing and supportive, not doubting and critical. Realistically, a good life is not the same thing as an easy life, so be grateful to those who are there for you.
4. Pay it forward. Having gone through a setback will make you more empathic and supportive of others. When someone in your circle faces an upset, be a positive support. Get the focus, attention and intensity off your own problems and move forward to helping others.
Source: Andrea Redmond and Patricia Crisafulli are the author of Comebacks: Powerful Lessons from Leaders who Suffered Setbacks and Recaptured Success on Their Terms. |